Drake Constantinople’s Running Sheeple Commentary: Part Three(?)

If you are like me, Sheeple fans, you do a few things as you watch this game. You admire the unintentional artistry of the board, you think back on how everyone’s moves have gone, and as each new move goes up you look at the unlikely surviving sheep and think “what the hell kind of moves are these?!?!”

Of course, I may just be a little grouchy because I had a duck staying on my couch last week. He showed up at the door, quacking something about us being friends, it being my fault that he was even in this reality, and something about some bird face scientist cutting his allowance. Whatever. I’m kind of a pushover, so I let him stay, and of course he was always getting something from the refrigerator, and smelling up the bathroom, and using my laptop. Now my Firefox history lists a site called ladyonduck.com THAT I REFUSE TO CLICK ON! Anyway, Drake’s been gone for three days, so let’s check out the action on the board.


Day of changes. Greekhouse made his first move in four days. Dread Pirate managed to finish slipping the noose that he nearly blundered his way into. AMR, with the help of a Wild Oats, similarly bought himself some time. kg2005, in spite of having been hemmed in for some time, survived another day. The lower corner became more crowded as it became the only open space available to five sheep. In spite of that, Margaret assumed the lotus position and calmly meditated in place.


kg2005 ran out of room, and a four day long sheep-trapping expedition finally ended. AMR survived, but was running out of luck. The bottom corner, while largely uneventful, looked poised to burst into a sheep slaughter at any moment. Dread Pirate, Greekhouse , and Todahshy were all grouped together. To survive and thrive in this situation requires team effort and coordination, but I’m sure they are up to the challenge, right? Of course they are. Both Margaret and Annette moved to the outer fence, putting themselves in danger. Will anyone capitalize on that fact? To find out, you’ll have to wait until


Nobody did capitalize on that fact, although it was a nailbiter. Both Margaret and Annette moved themselves into safer positions. I suppose they were looking for power-ups, even though at this point the chances of anyone having one or coming across one are so slim that it doesn’t seem worth looking for them. Survival seems like it would be the key goal now, the luck needed for anything else is too high. And so AMR, having played a pretty good game – HOLY SHIT LEAN MUTTON MORGAN! Did you see that?!?! – proved that no matter smart you are, it’s better to be lucky. Greekhouse and Dread Pirate, on the other hand, attempted to move to the same spot, and ended up right back where they were before. Freealonzo, for reasons that I suppose are only known to Freealonzo, moved into the corner. And once again, the bottom corner looks ripe for a bloodbath.

This game looks like it might move quickly till the end of the month, Sheeple watchers. If you’re not excited now, then you are apparently too good to enjoy the killing of imaginary, barely even virtual sheep. So la-di-da to you. I’ll see you again soon, maybe with a game wrap-up, unless I don’t.


Drake Constantinople’s Running Commentary: Sheeple, Week 3

From The Increasingly Less Private Diary of Drake Constantinople

I was asked to investigate a cyberdimensional animal blood sport known as Sheeple. Several of the lab scientists have become fascinated with the game, and I think management was concerned about the potential ethical conflict of working with animals in the lab and animal blood sports. I went to investigate alone, because the Raven-haired Scientist doesn’t care for sports of any kind, and finds inter-dimensional travel to be disconcerting.

The game was well underway when I arrived. For those unfamiliar with the game, it is a slowest moving melee you’ve ever seen, with sheep directing the building of fences while simultaneously attempting to avoid having a fence built around them. Any sheep that is fenced into a small enough square instantly dies, although the method of killing is strange. Apparently sheep simply cannot abide the claustrophobia of a small space, and that is what kills them. Many people that protest the game believe that the farmer building the fences must be killing them, but that is ridiculous. The sheep are just claustroed to death.

The first day I flew over the field, and attempted to talk to the sheep that had survived the game so far, to see if I could get any idea of how they felt about the game. Try as I might, though, I could barely get any acknowledgement of my existence. I am not certain if I did not make much of an impression in this cyberdimension, or if I am simply uninteresting to these sheep, but I was unable to interview them.

I did witness several kills, though, as the sheep labeled “Beau” and “ESchapp” were dispatched. The deaths were surprisingly unspectacular, with the dead sheep simply keeling over, but still, they left an impression. I don’t believe that I could ever use the word “noble” to describe sheep, but at least they didn’t moan and cry in the manner that their species is known for.

The next day brought another two deaths, of the sheep known as “Miriam” and “Daneekasghost.” I went in for a closer look, and settled near DG. There was a plaque on the fence that I hadn’t noticed from above that said “SURVIVED TEN DAYS LONGER THAN HE SHOULD”. Underneath that it said “Hey, why’s everybody looking at me? I’m not dangerous. I can’t do anything to you. Look, it’s Novak! Get him!” I felt as if I recognized this sheep, but from where? And how did this sheep survive so long?

Unfortunately, these were mysteries that would have to go uninvestigated, as they did not fall into the purview of the investigation of this game.

The next few days no sheep were caught, but there were some amusing highlights. I nearly quacked myself to death when two sheep walked into each other and fell back on their original spots. At one point, while I was sitting on the fence at the edge of the field, I counted three sheep leap in the air over fences that nearly encircled them; I had to try not to fall asleep at that point.

As I write this, eight sheep are left. My official report will state that I find no ethical problem with the game. If this were tried in non-cyberdimensions, there might be an ethical problem, but in order to get to that point you would have to breed hyper-intelligent sheep, and that would be an ethical conflict itself. There is no reason to assume that these cyber animals have any sort of meaningful being, and I think that management can rest easy.

Big Papa’s Running Commentary: Sheeple, Week Two

Friends, welcome to an exciting new feature at CJ that may or may not appear exactly one time. We’ll see, I guess.

El Poperino has, in the absence of being able to play anything, written up a running commentary on the second week of Sheeple that mostly hinges on guesswork and tomfoolery. He doesn’t know which parts are true and which are not, as although he sees the moves, he doesn’t see any emails.



Hello, Sheeple fans. After last week’s thrilling finish, can anything match the sheer drama of Brooks’ hail mary revenge plot against Novak? Probably not, but let’s check out the action highlights anyway.

Monday was a heartbreaker. The sheep, reeling as if drunk with power, made a number of inexplicable moves. AMR and his henchmen… er, henchsheep, turned the full power of their alliance rather bafflingly against the most noble sheep the grid has ever known, as they directed Todd the shepherd to build in a coordinated pattern, removing Big Papa and Nibbish. MelissaD and Eschapp both escaped their respective fences, Melissa using a Lean Mutton Morgan and Eschapp using Freedom!. Kudos to them on their lucky escapes.

Tuesday was a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing. MelissaD came under real fire from Adobery and associates, but they were not able to encircle her completely. For her part, Melissa went after Daneekasghost, who was not yet eliminated.

Wednesday saw Adobery meet his goal of eliminating Melissa, as well as meet his fate. It seems that Cutthroat Junction’s favorite Cain and Abel act were at it again, with Beau in the role of Cain this time. He used a Sheepdog Shep to push Adobes into place, while contracting the Dread Pirate and his privateers to build the needed fences. Ironically, Beau also helped his brother to eliminate Melissa. That’s how you play both sides of the fence!

Thursday saw the elimination of Funkomatic, notable only because of how long it took to accomplish, and the pointlessness of the endeavor. More interesting was the elimination of Brooks! Is what the previous sentence would have said, had the elimination of Brooks not been botched. In spite of the use of a Sheepdog Shep against him, Farmer Todd was directed to build a fence in the wrong place. Once again we see why the name Brooks Maki adorns the sidebar so frequently. BHiggum and Eschapp ended the day in peril.

Friday! BHiggum, out of powers and out of pasture to roam, chose to sit and hope nobody would notice him. It did not work, and another sheep carcass litters the fenced in ground. There was a failed attempt on the life of Beau, and Eschapp used his second Freedom! of the game, and remains free to roam, for now. No attempt was made to finish off Brooks, in spite of the small amount of resources needed to accomplish the task.

That’s the week, Sheep and Shepherds. One group grows stronger while the other seems destined to slowly be sapped of its power. Several free agents go under-utilized. What will the coming week bring? How long will this game go on? Will I ever write more commentary about it? Only time will tell.